And It Begins

So, this is the beginning. The beginning of my incessant posting & sharing of food & my turbulent relationship with it. Why? Because my recent quest to get some answers from the medical community about what the hell is wrong with me has reared face-first into a dead-end... again. Thanks. For nothing. So now, as a way to understand what exactly sets me off, I'm going to chronicle what I eat. When I decide to sneak in something new, I can keep tabs on how I feel after it; both my physical & emotion responses.

It's also to save my boyfriend from hearing my repetitive rants about 'my stomach!' or 'I'm thinking if I try this' or 'oh man, it's angry with me again' or 'I have a theory'. Instead of updating him constantly, I can write about it here & annoy those unfortunate enough to stumble across this page.

The current state of things right now is:

• Over two years ago I cut out refined sugar. Which means no raw sugar, confectionary, chocolate, cakes, etc. You get it. Those jelly lollies I used to love so much are gone. Why did I do this? I was getting major stomach aches & cramps within half an hour of eating any of these. Tired of the pain, I cut out the sugar.
• I've been on an anti-Candida diet for almost two years. I continued to end up in pain after eating, & decided to go to the doctor to see what was wrong. A blood test was performed & when it came back negative for anything serious (cancer, diabetes), I was told that I was 'fine', & nothing more was done. A friend of a friend told me my symptoms sounded like a Candida overgrowth, so I threw myself into research. A visit to a naturopath confirmed my suspicions. Anti-Candida diet? This in a nut-shell means gluten-free, nothing processed, no sugars, starches, grains, legumes & dairy. Now & then I've allowed dairy into my diet & eaten some processed goods (sauces, ham, that kinda thing), but otherwise I've been very strict with this diet. Ask my friends :P
• After a recent hospital visit due to incessant cramping that lasted over 8 hours, my doctor here in Sweden ordered blood tests for both lactose intolerance & gluten intolerance. Both came back negative. & despite continuing gastrointestinal issues (& the plethora of information stating that blood tests aren't the end all to gluten testing), my doctor tells me there's nothing more he can do to help me.

After receiving these results, & knowing how oh-so-wrong their indications are, I decided to do some experimenting. You see, I'm carbohydrate sensitive, which according to Karolinska Universitet here in Sweden, is a symptom of gluten intolerance. But my test says I'm not gluten intolerant! So, I eat some carb heavy foods, some gluten, eat a bit of junk food (why not? I've been so good the last two years & am so tired of being denied an indulgence), & some dairy. The result: I'm sick for about 4 days afterward. I felt like my stomach was going to explode through the skin & continue expanding. The most surprising thing to me was how it messed with my breathing. I'm asthmatic & haven't had an episode for a long time. However, I needed Ventolin for the first time in forever. That was rather scary. So now I'm more anal-retentive with my diet, avoiding dairy & gluten like the damn plague.

Frustrated barely begins to describe how I feel. Try adding depressed, despondent, angry, lonely, hopeless/helpless to the mix. This week has been spent in a bubble of self-pity, my only view of the world through the computer. I've refused to go to school or to leave the house for extended periods of time. I just can't be bothered. I want to escape the world for a while, merely watch it & not be a part of it. It all feels too demanding & overwhelming right now. I just. Don't. Want. To.

But the realist in me knows that's unhealthy if extended for too long. A break is good. Becoming an anxious shut-in isn't. So if I'm going to lock myself up indoors for a while, I'm going to at least be productive, & I'm going to face this thing head-on. Hence the starting of this blog.

Let the games commence.