The Hermit

My intention with this blog was to take daily photos of my food & post & talk about it here. I forgot to do that today :P But what I've eaten has pretty much been the same as it has the last two days, which I did remember to take photos of.

My day usually starts out this way:

Capsicum, sugar peas & snap peas

Yeah, it's pretty basic. My first meal tends to be raw veggies, or a broccoli, zucchini & cauliflower mash with onion & garlic, or a stir-fry, or a salad (in the warmer months). I say 'first meal', cause I don't like to think in terms of naming my meals 'breakfast, lunch, dinner'. I eat when I'm hungry. Which is generally often, & I feel like I eat a lot, as this is the bulk of my diet. Non-starchy, watery vegetables. Throw in a bit of meat, & that's pretty much it. Sometimes I eat eggs. Sometimes I bake. Sometimes my will breaks & I eat cheese.

I love cheese. But I'll come to that later. In my head I have a post ready for 'food I love but doesn't love me'. Then I can share my woe.

So, that was my first meal. That bowl is usually followed by another one or two. I go through about 2-3 capsicums a day, easy. I would eat more if I wasn't a little bit worried that my body would flip out  & become intolerant capsicum as well. Eh. Which it is want to do.

Pre-baked veges waiting for the oven

Last night's meal was a mix of baked vegetables (broccoli, cauliflower, brussell sprouts, cabbage) with a bit of olive oil & apple cider vinegar. I also fry up a bit of frozen spinach with some garlic & onion to add on top. I added that with some slow-cooked spicy shredded bbq chicken based off Amy Green's recipe. It'll probably be what I have for dinner tonight.

The Boy is at work till late, so I'm home alone. Yes, it is Saturday & I'm not 70 nor do I have my own children to look after. It is, however, hovering around -20 here at the moment, & it's not the most inspiring weather to go out in. Plus I've been a bit of a hermit the last week or so. Which brings me to my next topic.

I had my test for gluten intolerance on the 30th December. Great timing, considering the holidays, & I was told that my results would be delayed because of that. It took about 4 weeks for my results to come back, & during that time my head was swimming with 'what to do' in regards to my diet leading up to getting the results.

Am I going to need a biopsy? Should I eat gluten? Should I be anal-retentive & do everything I can to avoid gluten? Should I just eat as I usually have? This continued daily, & to try & get some sense of things I read up about gluten intolerance. Too much advice & information can be This caused a dilemma in me.

Usually I'm very good with my diet. Very very good. Now & then I slip, but I don't slip too far. A slip for me is usually a bit too much cheese, or some vege chips when I crave something crunchy. But during this time, & then subsequently after, when my results came back negative, I was bad. I was eating things that I technically should be able to eat, but things that my stomach reacts violently to. After the doctor told me that there was nothing more they could do to help me, I slipped into a depression. & became a hermit. I've barely left the house this week.

I just haven't wanted to give of myself this week. I feel like I've needed to stay cocooned in my shell, protected from the world. I've felt that the own demands of my body were enough, let alone dealing with other peoples demands. So I didn't. & that's ok.

So now it's the weekend, & I'm going to continue my hermit habits tonight but still have some fun. A lil glass of wine might help with that. Cheers!

And It Begins

So, this is the beginning. The beginning of my incessant posting & sharing of food & my turbulent relationship with it. Why? Because my recent quest to get some answers from the medical community about what the hell is wrong with me has reared face-first into a dead-end... again. Thanks. For nothing. So now, as a way to understand what exactly sets me off, I'm going to chronicle what I eat. When I decide to sneak in something new, I can keep tabs on how I feel after it; both my physical & emotion responses.

It's also to save my boyfriend from hearing my repetitive rants about 'my stomach!' or 'I'm thinking if I try this' or 'oh man, it's angry with me again' or 'I have a theory'. Instead of updating him constantly, I can write about it here & annoy those unfortunate enough to stumble across this page.

The current state of things right now is:

• Over two years ago I cut out refined sugar. Which means no raw sugar, confectionary, chocolate, cakes, etc. You get it. Those jelly lollies I used to love so much are gone. Why did I do this? I was getting major stomach aches & cramps within half an hour of eating any of these. Tired of the pain, I cut out the sugar.
• I've been on an anti-Candida diet for almost two years. I continued to end up in pain after eating, & decided to go to the doctor to see what was wrong. A blood test was performed & when it came back negative for anything serious (cancer, diabetes), I was told that I was 'fine', & nothing more was done. A friend of a friend told me my symptoms sounded like a Candida overgrowth, so I threw myself into research. A visit to a naturopath confirmed my suspicions. Anti-Candida diet? This in a nut-shell means gluten-free, nothing processed, no sugars, starches, grains, legumes & dairy. Now & then I've allowed dairy into my diet & eaten some processed goods (sauces, ham, that kinda thing), but otherwise I've been very strict with this diet. Ask my friends :P
• After a recent hospital visit due to incessant cramping that lasted over 8 hours, my doctor here in Sweden ordered blood tests for both lactose intolerance & gluten intolerance. Both came back negative. & despite continuing gastrointestinal issues (& the plethora of information stating that blood tests aren't the end all to gluten testing), my doctor tells me there's nothing more he can do to help me.

After receiving these results, & knowing how oh-so-wrong their indications are, I decided to do some experimenting. You see, I'm carbohydrate sensitive, which according to Karolinska Universitet here in Sweden, is a symptom of gluten intolerance. But my test says I'm not gluten intolerant! So, I eat some carb heavy foods, some gluten, eat a bit of junk food (why not? I've been so good the last two years & am so tired of being denied an indulgence), & some dairy. The result: I'm sick for about 4 days afterward. I felt like my stomach was going to explode through the skin & continue expanding. The most surprising thing to me was how it messed with my breathing. I'm asthmatic & haven't had an episode for a long time. However, I needed Ventolin for the first time in forever. That was rather scary. So now I'm more anal-retentive with my diet, avoiding dairy & gluten like the damn plague.

Frustrated barely begins to describe how I feel. Try adding depressed, despondent, angry, lonely, hopeless/helpless to the mix. This week has been spent in a bubble of self-pity, my only view of the world through the computer. I've refused to go to school or to leave the house for extended periods of time. I just can't be bothered. I want to escape the world for a while, merely watch it & not be a part of it. It all feels too demanding & overwhelming right now. I just. Don't. Want. To.

But the realist in me knows that's unhealthy if extended for too long. A break is good. Becoming an anxious shut-in isn't. So if I'm going to lock myself up indoors for a while, I'm going to at least be productive, & I'm going to face this thing head-on. Hence the starting of this blog.

Let the games commence.