The Challenge Continues

It's now the 3rd week into my gluten challenge, & I thought it was about time for an update. It's been quite a journey so far...

Nope, not pregnant.
How my stomach is looking right now

Pain. Pain is the best way of describing how & what I'm feeling daily. Yesterday it was too much, & I didn't eat any gluten at all, & not much of anything else. Over the past couple of weeks, I've indulged in food I haven't eaten in ages; different types of bread, having pizza at a restaurant, homemade lasagna & cinnamon rolls. Living in Sweden, it's been nice to sample some traditional things that I haven't been able to since I arrived here. & I had beer again (but that's a big no-no. Was not feeling good after that). But it's all come with a painful price. So painful that I'm now wondering if it's worth continuing. The last five days have been the worst, & I can only see it continuing to get worse.

Gas. So much gas. My stomach is so irritated that it doesn't matter what I eat now. I save the gluten intake for when I get home from work, so that I don't get gas & cramps at work. It's at the stage now that my breakfast of steamed vegetables & the salad for lunch causes the same gas & cramping as a piece of bread does. Sometimes when I'm hungry & my stomach growls, that in turn sets off cramps & then gas. It's all a no-win situation.

With the cramps & gas, also comes nausea. It's mainly when there's a swirling feeling in my stomach. I also have burning sensations in my stomach & intestines, mostly at the same time, & I tend to feel nauseous when this occurs.

I've also been getting migraines here & there, something that I used to get a lot, particularly in high school. I'm starting to draw a lot of connections to previous health issues. My chest tends to feel a little tight at times too. I'm asthmatic, but I haven't had an attack for a very long time. I just feel when I draw out the last of my breath, there's a tightness there that I haven't felt in a long time.

The bloating continues. I noticed on Friday night that my ankles were swollen, & that calmed down a little today, but I think that was mainly because I didn't eat any gluten yesterday. Otherwise, my whole body is swollen, particularly my thighs & breasts (the boy is complaining about the latter).

So, I'm going to ring the clinic this week & see if they can give me a date or even an estimate to how long it's going to be. I really just want to stop eating this right now. The food adventure has been fun, but the fun is being overshadowed by pain.

Gluten Challenge

Last Friday I received a letter from the gastrointestinal division at the hospital to advise me that they received my referral & have accepted it. So now I'm on the waiting list, which is about a 2 month wait. This news has been a relief, & since receiving it I started myself on a gluten challenge. I've read that 6-8 weeks has been a sufficient time, & I'm hoping to get through 2 months of this challenge before being called. 5 days into the challenge I've decided to write about some of the changes that I've noticed occur.

My main source of gluten has been bread, which may not be the smartest idea, since I am allergic to yeast. But it's easily accessible & I can't be bothered to cook pasta each time I'm going to eat gluten. That, & I find pasta really boring. We'll see. I'll probably eat some pasta at some point.

The first time I ate some bread, I kinda freaked. A little. Actually, maybe a little more than 'a little'. For almost 2 years I've not eaten a slice of bread or a bit of pasta, out of fear of what pain I'd be afflicted with. So I was a bit apprehensive about consuming it again. However, the old symptoms of pain did not return. My stomach bloated a little, but that was about it. I was confused. I actually started to feel like a fraud. What the hell? Is it suddenly ok to eat this stuff, even though previously a tiny bit of contaminated food would send me reeling & writhing in pain. What gives?

Each day I've eaten a little more bread, but the longer it goes on the more symptoms I've noticed occurring. My stomach started some groaning the night before last. Last night was the worst night of sleep I've had so far, & I'm a notorious insomniac. Despite being rather tired when I went to bed last night, it took me over an hour to get to sleep. When I did finally reach sleep, it was a sleep where I felt partially aware half the night. So today I've felt tired, more tired than usual. Generally food would help me feel a bit more alert (as well as coffee), but these haven't done much to change it. I had intestinal pains as well, not ones usual to what I do get. Gas seemed to collect in one spot & linger there, growing in size. It made lying on one side of my body particularly uncomfortable.

Gas. Gas! Ahh... I've not been someone pleasant to sit near at home, to say the least. I'm constantly burning incense or sitting with a blanket over the lap to muffle the sounds and/or smells. Hmm...

Hazy, slightly dizzy & light-headed feelings have grown today. They began yesterday. I also started some part time work & thought it could be due to just feeling a bit worn out from the new routine. I've just eaten some bread, & am finding that I feeling this moreso afterwards.

I've noticed my body swell slowly over the last few days, like it's retaining water or is inflamed. I feel like I've added a bunch of weight, which isn't doing anything great to my already diminishing mood. My stomach is swelling, to the point where I would be wondering if I was pregnant if I wasn't doing this challenge. I must remember to take a photo of it, for my chronicles of this. I also haven't done a poo in a few days now. I've always had problems with constipation, which lessened when I removed bread & pasta from my diet.

Something that has surprised me in this sense of burning in my esophagus, almost constant. Like a very small case of heartburn that won't cease.

My mood. That has been the biggest & quickest change of all. Sometimes thinking about this gluten challenge has me close to tears. I feel myself battling a rather depressive state, & I've suffered depression in the past. Old habits, behaviours & thought patterns I see returning. It's amazing the influence food has over more than just our appetite.

As for appetite; in the evenings I generally get quite hungry. Since my diet previous to the challenge was mainly paleo - mostly vegetable, some meat, with cheese now & then - I find my appetite at night is quite satiated. However, after having a bite of bread, I will go back & grab some more. Considering the amount of sugar that's in manufactured bread, it's no surprise it's moreish. After wanting to avoid another 'giving up sugar' session (seriously as hard as giving up nicotine), it looks like I may have to do it after this. Not happy about that.

I'll write more about this later. I'm feeling rather dizzy right now, & I'm finding it hard to concentrate on anything more.

Not so pretty

After a couple of days of relative peace stomach-wise, today I was assaulted with, well, there's no nice way to say this: diarrhea. Nasty. It hadn't let up the whole day, finally easing sometime into the night. Now I'm sipping on nippon soup, one of several cups today.

Yesterday I dared to have about a tablespoon of regular cream. The boy & I had semlor, & though we'd usually have lactose-free dairy, I decided to try some regular dairy as he'd bought it & I react to the lactose-free anyway. I also ate a few of the vege chips from the store, being selective in what I got & making sure that it was mainly squash. My experiment there seemed to work; I think the squash is safe.

The dairy, however, not so. That can be the only thing that has caused this rampage of the runs. If I have too much lactose-free dairy I'll feel it the next day. Usually a bit runnier than usual. But not like this. This was painful, & there was no way I was leaving the house. All the plans I'd made for the day were cancelled. I didn't feel great about it, but it was a safer position to take.

So now, rather than dwell on it any more, I'm off to relax before bed. My mind needs a mental break from this constant considering the what-&-why.

Oh, my ovaries!

An explanation as to what the hell is happening inside me right now would be really nice.

My body has been sore the last 24 hours, & in a rather strange way. I feel like I've pulled muscles in my lower intestinal region. I hadn't done anything strenuous besides walking yesterday, nor any kind of intense exercise for a couple of weeks. My neck has been sore to touch to, like I've pulled muscles in the front of my neck. Strange is the only way to describe it, as I've never felt anything like this before.

Now, I can feel balls of gas roaming around my stomach. It groans intermittedly, & travels through my intestines. My stomach burns slightly & a nauseous feeling lingers. Bubbles pop in my gastro tract. Piercing pain emerges at times, feeling like I'm being slowly stabbed at several different spots at once: under my breast, around my ovaries, to the left of my stomach. Strain in my lower back. Oh boy, this isn't fun.

I also feel very weak & light-headed. I'm finding it hard to concentrate (the amount of typing errors I've made on this is causing it to take longer to write than I would like). My eyes feel heavy, like I could pass out. Yet it's only 7:30 in the evening.

The only big difference to my diet in the last 72 hours has been cheese. I haven't eaten much of it; yesterday it was a scraping of soft cheese from a tub; on Sunday I'd had some kaffeost, which consisted of 4 small cubes of a melting cheese, plus when I got home I had some thin slices of Edam & a little bit of mjukost. Today again it was a small scraping of mjukost. Today & Sunday I took an extra probiotic (still staying within the recommended daily allowance) as extra protection for my stomach. No discomfort was felt on Sunday, & these feelings in my muscles only emerged last night.

The last time something like this occurred was when I went to hospital. It had lasted for hours that day. & it was unbearable. Looks likely I'll be missing another day of school tomorrow :P

The Hermit

My intention with this blog was to take daily photos of my food & post & talk about it here. I forgot to do that today :P But what I've eaten has pretty much been the same as it has the last two days, which I did remember to take photos of.

My day usually starts out this way:

Capsicum, sugar peas & snap peas

Yeah, it's pretty basic. My first meal tends to be raw veggies, or a broccoli, zucchini & cauliflower mash with onion & garlic, or a stir-fry, or a salad (in the warmer months). I say 'first meal', cause I don't like to think in terms of naming my meals 'breakfast, lunch, dinner'. I eat when I'm hungry. Which is generally often, & I feel like I eat a lot, as this is the bulk of my diet. Non-starchy, watery vegetables. Throw in a bit of meat, & that's pretty much it. Sometimes I eat eggs. Sometimes I bake. Sometimes my will breaks & I eat cheese.

I love cheese. But I'll come to that later. In my head I have a post ready for 'food I love but doesn't love me'. Then I can share my woe.

So, that was my first meal. That bowl is usually followed by another one or two. I go through about 2-3 capsicums a day, easy. I would eat more if I wasn't a little bit worried that my body would flip out  & become intolerant capsicum as well. Eh. Which it is want to do.

Pre-baked veges waiting for the oven

Last night's meal was a mix of baked vegetables (broccoli, cauliflower, brussell sprouts, cabbage) with a bit of olive oil & apple cider vinegar. I also fry up a bit of frozen spinach with some garlic & onion to add on top. I added that with some slow-cooked spicy shredded bbq chicken based off Amy Green's recipe. It'll probably be what I have for dinner tonight.

The Boy is at work till late, so I'm home alone. Yes, it is Saturday & I'm not 70 nor do I have my own children to look after. It is, however, hovering around -20 here at the moment, & it's not the most inspiring weather to go out in. Plus I've been a bit of a hermit the last week or so. Which brings me to my next topic.

I had my test for gluten intolerance on the 30th December. Great timing, considering the holidays, & I was told that my results would be delayed because of that. It took about 4 weeks for my results to come back, & during that time my head was swimming with 'what to do' in regards to my diet leading up to getting the results.

Am I going to need a biopsy? Should I eat gluten? Should I be anal-retentive & do everything I can to avoid gluten? Should I just eat as I usually have? This continued daily, & to try & get some sense of things I read up about gluten intolerance. Too much advice & information can be This caused a dilemma in me.

Usually I'm very good with my diet. Very very good. Now & then I slip, but I don't slip too far. A slip for me is usually a bit too much cheese, or some vege chips when I crave something crunchy. But during this time, & then subsequently after, when my results came back negative, I was bad. I was eating things that I technically should be able to eat, but things that my stomach reacts violently to. After the doctor told me that there was nothing more they could do to help me, I slipped into a depression. & became a hermit. I've barely left the house this week.

I just haven't wanted to give of myself this week. I feel like I've needed to stay cocooned in my shell, protected from the world. I've felt that the own demands of my body were enough, let alone dealing with other peoples demands. So I didn't. & that's ok.

So now it's the weekend, & I'm going to continue my hermit habits tonight but still have some fun. A lil glass of wine might help with that. Cheers!

And It Begins

So, this is the beginning. The beginning of my incessant posting & sharing of food & my turbulent relationship with it. Why? Because my recent quest to get some answers from the medical community about what the hell is wrong with me has reared face-first into a dead-end... again. Thanks. For nothing. So now, as a way to understand what exactly sets me off, I'm going to chronicle what I eat. When I decide to sneak in something new, I can keep tabs on how I feel after it; both my physical & emotion responses.

It's also to save my boyfriend from hearing my repetitive rants about 'my stomach!' or 'I'm thinking if I try this' or 'oh man, it's angry with me again' or 'I have a theory'. Instead of updating him constantly, I can write about it here & annoy those unfortunate enough to stumble across this page.

The current state of things right now is:

• Over two years ago I cut out refined sugar. Which means no raw sugar, confectionary, chocolate, cakes, etc. You get it. Those jelly lollies I used to love so much are gone. Why did I do this? I was getting major stomach aches & cramps within half an hour of eating any of these. Tired of the pain, I cut out the sugar.
• I've been on an anti-Candida diet for almost two years. I continued to end up in pain after eating, & decided to go to the doctor to see what was wrong. A blood test was performed & when it came back negative for anything serious (cancer, diabetes), I was told that I was 'fine', & nothing more was done. A friend of a friend told me my symptoms sounded like a Candida overgrowth, so I threw myself into research. A visit to a naturopath confirmed my suspicions. Anti-Candida diet? This in a nut-shell means gluten-free, nothing processed, no sugars, starches, grains, legumes & dairy. Now & then I've allowed dairy into my diet & eaten some processed goods (sauces, ham, that kinda thing), but otherwise I've been very strict with this diet. Ask my friends :P
• After a recent hospital visit due to incessant cramping that lasted over 8 hours, my doctor here in Sweden ordered blood tests for both lactose intolerance & gluten intolerance. Both came back negative. & despite continuing gastrointestinal issues (& the plethora of information stating that blood tests aren't the end all to gluten testing), my doctor tells me there's nothing more he can do to help me.

After receiving these results, & knowing how oh-so-wrong their indications are, I decided to do some experimenting. You see, I'm carbohydrate sensitive, which according to Karolinska Universitet here in Sweden, is a symptom of gluten intolerance. But my test says I'm not gluten intolerant! So, I eat some carb heavy foods, some gluten, eat a bit of junk food (why not? I've been so good the last two years & am so tired of being denied an indulgence), & some dairy. The result: I'm sick for about 4 days afterward. I felt like my stomach was going to explode through the skin & continue expanding. The most surprising thing to me was how it messed with my breathing. I'm asthmatic & haven't had an episode for a long time. However, I needed Ventolin for the first time in forever. That was rather scary. So now I'm more anal-retentive with my diet, avoiding dairy & gluten like the damn plague.

Frustrated barely begins to describe how I feel. Try adding depressed, despondent, angry, lonely, hopeless/helpless to the mix. This week has been spent in a bubble of self-pity, my only view of the world through the computer. I've refused to go to school or to leave the house for extended periods of time. I just can't be bothered. I want to escape the world for a while, merely watch it & not be a part of it. It all feels too demanding & overwhelming right now. I just. Don't. Want. To.

But the realist in me knows that's unhealthy if extended for too long. A break is good. Becoming an anxious shut-in isn't. So if I'm going to lock myself up indoors for a while, I'm going to at least be productive, & I'm going to face this thing head-on. Hence the starting of this blog.

Let the games commence.